What are we allowed to do sexually without offending God?

Whenever we do a conference on the topic of sexuality, we set aside time for questions from the audience. We never have time to answer all the questions. In fact, all of these questions can be summarized as follows:

“What are we allowed to do sexually without offending God?”

God's plan for sexuality is easy to understand. As a reminder, according to the divine plan, sexuality is secure and reserved in the context of marriage.

You must realize that God does not leave the room when you are having sex

He doesn’t say, "Hey, folks, wait, wait! Let Me out of here before you start!"  Of course not! 

Since God lives in your heart, He remains in you, even when you are having sex. Isn't that wonderful? And, as the Holy Spirit dwells in you, you can count on Him to guide you and let you know what works for you as a couple.

Your sexuality belongs to only the husband and to the wife, who have decided to unite by the sacred bonds of marriage, before God and before men.

To help you, think about this, think of the image of a golden triangle and here are the “rules” of that triangle: 

1) The first rule is very simple and corresponds to the first side of this golden triangle: The only persons in the room, when you go into the privacy of your bedroom, are the husband and wife, and God.

This eliminates any possibility of watching a pornographic movie, as it would be like inviting other people to your bedroom.

You can't let your imagination run wild and keep coming back to photos, pictures, movies, or even thinking of someone else. Your body, your soul (including your thoughts) are connected to your spouse. Don't let other people enter into your sexual intimacy.

Why not spice things up a bit? Excellent idea! Talk about it together. Pray about it and ask God if this is something He wants you to explore together. The Bible does not mention any practice that would be “prohibited” for a couple. There is no prohibition, as long as it remains in the security of the covenant between a wife and her husband.

Either way, if something sounds tempting to one spouse, but the other isn't enthusiastic about it, then don't go there. You need two green lights! If there is an "orange" light or a "red" light felt by either one of you, drop it. Making love is not a "bargaining chip" to buy services. Our body belongs to our spouse, and vice versa.

Remember this scripture: 

“The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:4

2) The second rule corresponds to the second side of this golden triangle: Respect your spouse and listen to their wishes.

This will help you define what works for you as a couple. Wait for the green light of consent on both sides. Remember that your sexual relationship gives you a glimpse of the oneness you will experience in heaven with God.

3) The third rule corresponds to the third side of this triangle: You cannot hurt your spouse, neither physically, nor emotionally, nor spiritually! In any case, making the other suffer or forcing the other cannot be considered. God wants us to enjoy our sexual intimacy to the fullness of what He has planned for us.

Turn to God if you have any questions or doubts running through your head about different aspects of your sex life.

Love leads to focusing entirely on your spouse! It is about giving him/her pleasure, relief and comfort. Love is a generous act, not a requirement. It is not about taking, but about giving. What a difference! Giving pleasure and love to your spouse, this is true love.

When you ask yourself yes and no about any sexual practice, ask yourself these 3 questions:

  1. Is this happening between my spouse and me?

  2. Do we both agree?

  3. Is it about making myself and my spouse happy, without inflicting pain on my spouse?

Remember these three easy golden rules, and enjoy your sexuality.

The sky’s the limit!

Rachel Miquel Dufour

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